Holiday greetings.   Another year.  I’ve been dealing with this ever changing movement issue going on 15 years, since 2004 and it’s almost 2019.   I know people have it worse but   the constant pains and probably more exactly, the uncertainty of what’s next is a constant fear.

Yes, I’m feeling better and people say I look great but every time I stand up I feel the stiffness, I walk and the pain will start. I have panic attacks if the meds wear off and I’m out of the house.   I can be awkward carrying things and eating  before my meds wear off, especially at night.  I have to constantly think about my mind and body and make sure both are functioning.  For example, a few minutes ago I was trying to set up a piece of equipment and I knew I just wasn’t thinking and had to set it aside.  Doing that, I don’t get projects finished and I get frustrated with myself.  I often forget what directory I saved things in and I often find myself saying “I’ll just put it here temporarily”and then I can’t find it. 

Last year was a crazy year of travel.  Some  I  handled better than others.  I don’t like using the wheelchair because I just can’t communicate with Ron but I had at times. I use the hiking sticks most of the time because it keeps me more upright.

I’m trying to get into some card games but it’s so hard to when my times are often unpredictable but I can normally put on a good social face, at least for an hour or two.  At least half my exercise classes are PD related and sometimes I feel guilty if I’m more mobile than others and frustrated when I’m less but I do enjoy helping people with PD to be more educated on PD.

So my message to myself for the new year is to try to keep up a positive attitude and work through the pain if necessary but keep moving and get used to any “new normals” to live as physically and mentally normal as you are able.